If I knew last year what I know now,
I wouldn't have put myself through hell.
To wind up standing in a mess of everything.
I tried my best to make this work.
I put you first and the only thing I watched you do was bury me in dirt.
I had my selfish reasons for leaving you behind.
I'm picking up my feet and I will find a better life.
One where I'm not sick of fucking fighting all the time.
One where I'm not scared to say what's really on my mind.
As I collapse, don't put me back.
I can't sleep and I get dizzy when I stand up on my feet.
I lay in bed, just like I'm dead.
As you weep and complain about my lack of energy.
I had my selfish reasons.
As you dig your hole I thought I'd let you know,
I'm not coming back.
I'm tethered to the way things used to be.
If I don't get some sleep my thoughts may start to seem unclear to me.
Non-cognitively conscious so it seems.
Track Name: Monachopsis
I'm losing track of where I stand. I used to have the upper hand. Now I'm distant I'm not persistent. Lacking motives and a plan. To find out something. If gods above me and if he could understand. I'm starting to fade the world is so gray. I'll count my blessings and call it a day.
If I could find myself amongst everyone else. Would I be any different. I could tell myself that I don't have to listen but where is the point in not being consistent. A stable companion just someone to listen. Please tell me you listen. I'm holding all this doubt about myself to give me something I can talk about.
I started writing when I was young the words replaced the use of my tongue. I don't like to talk much, found only comfort in the songs. But now I've got the recognition. Still avoiding confrontation. Always running late always out of place I, I can't relate.
I'm getting over all these things that you said would last forever. God if you're there give me a sign cause I'm starting to lose my faith. You left me all alone to find my way back home, but I think I'm finally moving on. I'm moving on alone.
Track Name: When You Had Nothing
Who are you to say that I didn't try? I tried my whole damn life to find a better way to hide behind it.
If you wanna see selfish, I could walk out now and leave you so damn helpless. I don't expect to be perfect, but I've been trying my best. so maybe someday this will all be worth it, but I'm nervous. It's getting late, I've got to find a better place that I can roam. I'm not going home. There's not a place it feels that I can get along.
Could it be that I'm the only one who sees it this way. I believe that everyone was meant to create something.
Who am I to say that you didn't try? You tried your whole damn life to find a better way to hide behind it. Well maybe you're torn up inside but isn't that apart of life. We all just need reminded sometimes.